We have a tendency to rush up things with good advice. But we fail to diagnose and deeply understand the problem first. Most people don’t listen with intent to understand; they listen with intent to reply.
EMPATHIC LEARNING
Empathic listening means listening with the intent to understand, to get inside the others frame of reference. It means that you deeply understand that person emotionally as well as intellectually. It is so powerful because it gives you actual data to work with rather than assuming thoughts.
Experts estimate that 10% communication is represented by our words, 30% by our sounds, and 60% by our body language. When you listen with empathy to another person, you are focused on receiving deep communication with another soul.
DIAGNOSE BEEFORE YOU PRESCRIBE
The key to good judgment is understanding. By judging a person first, a person never fully understands. Diagnosing before you prescribe is a fundamental law that is evident in all areas of life. For example, an effective salesman first seeks to understand the needs of the consumer. The amateur salesman sells the products; the professional sells solutions to needs. A good teacher will assess the class before teaching. A good parent will understand before evaluating or judging.
FOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL RESPONSES
We tend to response in 4 ways:
· EVALUATE- we either agree or disagree
· ADVISE- we give counsel based on our experience
· INTERPRET- we try to figure out
· PROBE- we ask question from our won reference
In order to understand the other person, you need to develop pure desire as well as empathic listening skills.
The skills of empathic listening involve 4 development stages:
· MIMIC CONTENT – It is the least effective. In this person repeats the content without evaluating or interpreting what is said.
· REPRASE THE CONTENT- In this you put the meaning in your own words, you’re thinking what he said.
· REFLECT FEELING- You are paying attention to way other person feels about what he’s saying.
· REPRASE THE CONTENT AND REFLECT THE FEELING- You help the other person work with his thoughts. The other person begins to trust you and grows confidence in you.
Empathic listening takes time, but it doesn’t take anywhere near as much as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings. People want to be understood. And whatever time it takes to do that will bring much greater returns of time as you work with understanding of problems.
THEN SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD
The essence of seeking first to understand and making effective presentation is embodied in three sequentially arranged words:
· Ethos: The faith people have in your integrity and competence
· Pathos: It’s the feeling, the empathic side
· Logos: it is logic, the reasoning part of your presentation
Ethos, pathos, logos– your character, and your relationships, and the logic of your presentation.
Through this people will know you’re presenting ideas which you genuinely believe, that will benefit everyone. When we're able to present our ideas clearly, and in the context of a deep understanding of the other person's needs and concerns, we significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.