“It is our willing permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happened to us in the first place.”
PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL VISION
Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we “see” ourselves – our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitude and behaviors, but also how we see other people.
The Social Mirror
If the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror – from the opinions, perceptions, and paradigm of the people around us – our view of ourselves is like the reflection in the crazy mirror room at the carnival.
“I can’t believe you won!”
“You must be an artist!”
These visions are disjointed and out of proportion. They are often more projections than reflections, character weaknesses of people giving the input rather than accurately reflecting what we are.
“Proactivity” Defined
Proactivity means more than merely taking initiative. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We have the initiative and responsibility to make things happen. Highly proactive people recognize the true meaning of responsibility – the ability to choose your response. They don’t blame circumstances or conditions. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.
Taking the Initiative
Our basic nature is to act, and not be acted upon. As well as enabling us to choose our response to particular circumstances, this empowers us to create circumstances. Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious or aggressive. It does mean recognizing our responsibility to make things happen.
Listening to our Language
Our language is a very real indicator of the degree to which we see ourselves as proactive people. A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control. They blame other people or circumstances for their own situation. Our actions should control our feelings. If our feelings control our action, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered others to do so.
Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence
We each have a wide range of concerns – our health, our children, problem at work. We could separate those from things in which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a “Circle of Concern” within this circle there are things over which we have no real control these things circumscribe into a smaller “Circle of Influence”. Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase. Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weaknesses of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control.
Direct, Indirect, and No Control
The problem we face fall in one of three areas: direct control (problems involving our own behavior); indirect control (problem involving other people’s behavior); no control (problem we can do nothing about, such as our past or situation realities).
Direct Control problems are solved by working on our own habits.
Indirect Control problems are solved by changing our method of Influence.
No Control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom on our face – to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accept these problems.
Expanding the Circle of Influence
In an organization, no employee was happy with their boss. They used to always criticize him but there was one person who never blamed any circumstance and so the next time he submitted his report with extra analysis and his recommendations. At the next meeting, it was “go for this” and “go for that” to all the employees… but one. To this man, it was “what’s your opinion?” His Circle of Influence had grown. Proactive people aren’t pushy. They’re smart, value driven and know what’s needed.
The other end of the Stick
While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. Undoubtedly, there have been times in each of our lives where we have picked up what we later felt was the wrong stick. If we have the choice to make over again, we would make it differently. We call these choices mistake.
Making and Keeping Commitments
The commitments we make to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those commitments, is the essence of proactivity. As we recognize and use our imagination and independent will to act on that awareness – making promises, setting goals, and being true to them – we build the strength of character. The power to make and keep commitment to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness.
Key Lessons:
Challenge yourself to test the principle of proactivity by doing the following:
1. Start replacing reactive language with proactive language.
Reactive = "He makes me so mad." Proactive = "I control my own feelings."
2. Convert reactive tasks into proactive ones.
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