“I judge people by their own principles – not by my own”
- Martin Luther King
You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words – and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect. Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.” That’s bad. That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start.
If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong – yes, even that you know is wrong – isn’t it better to begin by saying: “Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong. I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts.” You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone else is typing to ram the unpalatable fact down our oesophagus.
Don’t argue with your customers or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.
PRINCIPLE 11: Show respect for other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
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